Plot in a Nutshell: Steve plays chauffeur to a little old lady with a bum ticker.
Story Summary: The Prime Minister of Eretz, Salka Pal-Mir, is addressing the United Nations when she semi-collapses across the dias.
"I always do a standing-collapse. It's more dignified."
Pal-Mir suffers from a rare, fictional cardiac syndrome that can only be cured with a bionic heart transplant. She needs to be transported to the bionic research center at Mountain Springs, TN, and Steve will be her bodyguard. She's a tad reluctant until she sees Oscar's home-movies of Steve's bionics in action.
"Luckily, we had a full camera crew following him on all his missions."
Because the mission is so dangerous, with assorted assassins, malcontents and general no-goodniks out to stop Madame Pal-Mir's peace talks with the Eretz rebels, Steve suggests they take the OSI's Urban Assault Vehicle.
Boom-chugga-lugga-lugga!
Oscar agrees and they are on their way. Unfortunately, the assassins have an inside man: Madame Pal-Mir's regular bodyguard, who has been left behind, but not before he plants a tracking device on her in the form of a single rose.
"For luck. Take it wherever you go. And don't forget to hold it up to your face when you talk. And to the faces of everyone else when they talk."
Steve and Madame Pal-Mir engage in philosophical discussions about the nature of women in politics and Madame Pal-Mir's need for Steve's approval, as the bad guys follow behind in a pair of old station wagons.
Madame Pal-Mir spots a van parked awkwardly along the side of the road and insists they pull over to help. Steve reluctantly agrees and moments later they're helping the young couple. This scene is notable for an acting appearance by the well-known director John Landis of National Lampoon's Animal House and The Blues Brothers.
That's him playing the tree. It's a very wooden performance.
Meanwhile, Rudy is having trouble with the Atomic Power Pack on the bionic heart, forcing him to order another one. This of course begs the question of from where does one order an Atomic Power Pack? Perhaps Radio Shack kept them in stock in the 70's? And what's up with that blood machine pumping blood around when there's clearly no patient yet?
Perhaps it's not blood. Maybe Rudy makes his own red wine between patients? Could it be Kool-aid?
Anyway, Steve gets underway again just in time for Madame Pal-Mir to spot a roadside produce stand and force them to stop once more. The OSI helicopter keeping pace with them takes the opportunity to stop at a local airfield to refuel. This in turn gives the bad guys the opening they need to knockout the pilots, steal the helicopter, and setup a Wile-E-Coyotesque detour that leads to a phony rock slide for Steve and his entourage.
The detour sign is even spelled backwards. All they needed was a brick wall with a tunnel entrance painted on it and it would have been the perfect crime.
The rock slide stops the Urban Assault Vehicle in it's tracks. Steve gets out to try to clear the rubble and Pal-Mir's personal physician, Dr. Avni, joins him. Moments later, one of the station wagons drives up and out pops two men with guns blazing. Dr. Avni spots two more gunmen on the hill above them and comes out from behind cover so they can get a better shot at him. His plan works and he drops dead of a bullet to the head.
"I'm ready for my autopsy, now. Thank you."
Steve takes a few shots of his own and then books it back to the UAV. Realizing the chopper is no longer on his side, Steve floors it and the chase is on. In and out of the tree canopy, through puddles and over grass, Steve winds the UAV in an attempt to avoid death from above.
Finally, the chopper pilot, realizing they'll never get them from the air, lands the craft. This gives Steve the opportunity he's been waiting for. He takes out the first guy who comes toward the UAV, and then bionically chases down the other.
When you're bionic, it's actually safe to run toward bullets.
The pilot tries to take off in the chopper, but Steve jumps up and grabs him by the neck, forcing him to land.
"Land now or I'll kill you and then...uh...and then we'll...um...we'll both die. Maybe I should have thought this through a little better..."
Safely back on terra firma, it's time for Madame Pal-Mir to get her transplant. Unfortunately, the local Radio Shack was clean out of Atomic Power Packs, so they have to use one of Steve's. Of course, this will create a bit of drama revolving around how that will put Steve at risk and could result in...blah blah blah. The power pack from Steve works and causes Steve little problem. All is Well.
"All that angst over my Atomic Power Pack and my only problem is I have to wear a sling? Seriously?"
Bonus Video: Oscar Does "The Move"
The End.
How Did You Do That Quote:
Linda: "Hey, it's out of the sand. How did that happen?"
Move your mouse over Madame Pal-Mir to see her answer.
Overall Grade:
Final Thoughts: A step up from last episode. This one has some nice characterization and some exciting action. 3 Steves for a good, solid episode. The biggest problem I had was I kept wanting to type "Ersatz" instead of "Eretz" for Madame Pal-Mir's country name. Oddly appropriate.
Comments
Another can miss episode
This is one road trip that took too long.
Re: Another can miss episode
There's no such thing as "can miss episodes," only "don't-watch-as-frequently-as-the-others" episodes.