The Six Million Dollar Blog - The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman
| Starring: |
Lee Majors as Steve Austin |
| |
Richard Anderson as Oscar Goldman |
| Guest Starring: |
Sharon Farrell as Angie Walker |
| |
Arthur Franz as Dr. Wayne Carlton |
| |
Robert Donner as Horace Milsner |
| |
Eric Mason as Air Force Major |
| |
Troy Melton as Corley Weems |
| |
Bill Henry as Thurmond |
| |
|
| Executive Producer: |
Harve Bennett |
| Teleplay by: |
Bill Svanoe and Wilton Denmark |
| Story by: |
Bill Svanoe |
| Produced by: |
Lionel E. Siegel & Joe L. Cramer |
| Directed by: |
Christian Nyby |
Plot in a Nutshell: The Austin Identity.
Story Summary: Steve is Piloting a NASA jet, while Oscar meets with Bionic scientist Dr. Not-Rudy Wells. Not-Rudy warns Oscar that there's a short in the nuclear power pack in Steve's arm. He lists the possible symptoms:
"Every passenger on his plane who had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half hour. It's extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever, dryness of the throat. As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy. He begins to experience an itching, a rash. From there the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling. At this point the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. Until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly. Oh, and he'll have amnesia."
After explaining the diagnosis to Oscar, the doctor suggests they bring Steve in...
"If I was wearing my glasses right now, I would do 'The Move'."
...but it's too late. Steve's bionic hand crushes the plane's controls in midflight and he goes into a dive, smashing into the ground.
Steve then finds himself wandering in the woods, dazed and confused. After much meandering, he finds himself at the side of a road where he meets psychologist Angie Walker standing next to her jeep with a flat tire. She's asks him who he is and where he's from, but he doesn't know anything about himself. She asks him if he has any symptoms of a concussion or head injury, but he says he doesn't. And he has no ID. She informs him she has errands to run first and then she'll take him to the county seat, perhaps there they can figure out who he is.
"Someone with my medical background should be well aware that no signs of outward physical trauma in no way indicates a lack of a possibly deadly brain injury, but I have errands to run that clearly outweigh your well-being."
But before they can drive off, Steve must fix the flat. He attempts to remove the tire but breaks the tire iron.
"Bending steel in my bare hands? Hmmm, maybe I'm Superman."
Angie works with depressed mental patients, taking them out of mental hospitals and putting them in environments closer to normal living. Unfortunately, she and her charges are subject to blatant discrimination from the townspeople of Broken Fork. Discrimination that Steve witnesses first hand at the local grocery store.
"Hey, all they sell here is WHITE bread!"
The store owner, Exidor, tells them the groceries aren't for sale. Steve convinces him to let them have the groceries by tossing him across the room into a soup can display.
Angie and Steve pay for the groceries and quickly leave. When they arrive at Angie's compound, they discover ashes in the mail box.
"Oh, wow, you can order ashes through the mail now? I've always had to make my own!"
Angie just writes it off as another intimidation tactic by the townspeople.
Upon entering the house, Steve is introduced to Angie's charges, not one of whom speaks for the entire episode.
And they all dress like my Dad's Aunt Gladys who died in 1978.
Moments later the Sheriff shows up to arrest Steve for beating up Exidor. However, Steve and Angie explain the situation and the Sheriff decides not to arrest him, infuriating Exidor.
"If I don't get what I want I'm liable to just stomp out of here ineffectually while muttering under my breath. Just see if I don't!"
Later in the day, a little girl who lives next door and spys on the patients at the compound comes over and asks Steve if he's crazy like the rest of them.
"Well now, that's a mighty big word from a little girl who's about to have a broken arm..."
Steve starts to explain life in a civilized world to the little girl, but her mother calls to her and she runs off.
The next day, Steve decides to join Angie and her charges on their picnic rather than find out who he is and what's wrong with his brain.
"Ya know, it really is a beautiful day to be willfully ignorant."
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Unfortunately, on the way to the picnic, Exidor and two of his fellow dimwits decide to take a little revenge on Steve for the grocery store can toss. Steve asks Exidor if he doesn't think the odds are a little uneven. Exidor says three against one is just fine with him.
"I meant you might want to grab a few additional townspeople to help you."
Steve beats them up and they leave.
That night Steve has pain in his shoulder and as Angie takes a look at his arm, they discover a hole in his bionic arm that exposes the circuitry. Steve is shocked and comes to the conclusion that he must be a robot. But moments later he cuts the thumb of his other hand and bleeds, thus proving he's only partly machine.
"But how do we know it's not just red motor oil?"
About two days too late, Angie comes to the conclusion that she needs to find someone who can help Steve.
"Look, I know a really good air conditioning repairman with reasonable rates, I'm calling him right now."
The next morning, as they set out for the county seat, Exidor and his lackey's kidnap Steve in their truck and load up Angie's charges into another vehicle to run them out of town. Steve escapes by beating up the guys holding him in the truck and then runs back to Angie's compound via the magic of recycled footage.
It wouldn't be so bad if the episode this was cribbed from (Population: Zero) wasn't so much better than the episode we're actually watching.
Steve gets to Angie's compound and proceeds to wreak havoc on the bad guys in front of a dispassionate and seemingly bored populace that has shown up on Angie's doorstep for what can only be described as no particular reason. Not one of them lifts a finger to help.
What a bunch of a**holes.
Steve fights the good fight but the pain in his arm makes him weak and he is soon overwhelmed. Just then Exidor shows up with the intention of blowing Steve away with a shotgun.
"You annoy me, so that makes this justifiable homicide."
Just in the nick of time, Oscar, Not-Rudy and the Sheriff show up and save the day. Before we end though, there's some ridiculous schmaltz involving one of Angie's charges, the little girl and the townspeople.
I couldn't decide whether to laugh, cry or kill myself.
The End.
How Did You Do That Quote:
Angie: **Shocked Look**
Move your mouse over Steve to see his answer.
Overall Grade: 
Final Thoughts: Not really a terrible episode. Some decent fights. If you're going to recycle footage, you could choose footage from a worse episode than Population: Zero. But the whole thing hinges on a woman who should clearly know better letting a man with an obvious brain injury hang around her house for two days instead of getting immediate help for him. It strains credulity. Two Steves.
