Plot in a Nutshell: Steve stops a black-market nuclear weapons dealer by blowing him up with a nuclear weapon.
Bonus Video:
Story Summary:Steve is at a swanky dinner party in Alexandria wearing a reversible tuxedo/wet-suit. He signals an American ship off the coast and then dives into the water and infiltrates a yacht. Unfortunately, he quickly discovers that what he has been sent to the other side of the planet to snatch isn't there.
What good is infra-green vision if there's nothing to see?
Upon returning stateside, Steve is even more distressed to discover that the hot chick he met in Egypt was killed before he could go back to rescue her. He sulks about a bit before meeting his old friend Harry Donner who suggests he take a vacation to the Bahamas.
"I am in no way attempting to manipulate you into going on another mission."
Steve sneaks out of the OSO facility he's being held in, and heads to the Bahamas. On the plane he meets Alotta Fagina...er Katrina Volana.
Later, after landing, he takes a swim and runs along the beach.
His run was so spectacular it was immortalized on a coloring book!
Then he meets this girl hanging around his bungalow.
Best bungalow ever!
Then he and the the girl go golfing.
Best golf outing ever!
On the golf course, he meets his old Russian friend Alexi.
"Hi, I'm Illya Kuryakin...I mean Alexi Kaslov."
Alexi is hanging out with Katrina and Arlen Findletter. Findletter seems to recognize Steve even though he and Steve were never even near each other at any time.
Steve heads back to his bungalow and finds an invitation to dinner from Findletter. He arrives wearing his best tuxedo.
"Oh, yeah. I'll just kill the ladies in this."
However, he never makes it to dinner as his buddy Alexi hits him with a drugged dart and kidnaps him, sending him out to the middle of the ocean on a yacht with Katrina.
Best kidnapping ever!
In the most implausible moment of the entire movie, Steve leaves Britt Ekland behind on the yacht to head back to his bungalow.
He stows away in the back of Findletters limo as Findletter and Alexi are heading to Findletters lair to check out the nuclear missiles. Steve eyes the missiles as Findletter and Alexi talk, then he stows away again to get out.
Then, he goes back and infiltrates Findletters lair again while Alexi and Katrina are there. Findletter threatens to kill Alexi, but Steve rescues him and then Alexi gets shot anyway. Alexi falls to the floor and Steve and Katrina stop and talk to him instead of getting away. They are captured and tied up. They escape, head to Findletters nuclear bomb stash, and Steve hot wires one of the bombs to go off when its silo is opened. On the way out, Steve has another coloring book moment:
Because children love coloring pictures of people pressing buttons.
Steve grabs Katrina in his arms and runs at bionic speed away from the secret lair.
"Come on, baby. Let's blow this popsicle stand."*
Having correctly assumed that Findletter would open the silos in both exact numerical order and one at a time, he outruns the ensuing nuclear blast.
Steve dedicates the massive death and destruction wrought by the explosion to Alexi and the hot chick who got killed off-screen at the beginning of the movie.
Katrina Volana: "How can you see where you're going?"
Move your mouse over Steve to see his answer.
Overall Grade:
Final Thoughts: Actually, I would give this entry only 3 Steves, but the opening credits music, and the Bond-babes...er Austin-babes, Britt Ekland, Michele Carey, and the dead hot chick at the beginning rate an extra Steve.
These next two pilot movies were way off the mark. I agree with Harve Bennett and author Martin Caidan. You don't need all that James Bond crap. Just plain Steve works just fine.
I rated the episode all the way because of the action. By the way, I like how you juxtaposed the snapshot of Steve with the cover of the coloring book!
Comments
Bond is not the way to go
These next two pilot movies were way off the mark. I agree with Harve Bennett and author Martin Caidan. You don't need all that James Bond crap. Just plain Steve works just fine.
very James Bond like
I rated the episode all the way because of the action. By the way, I like how you juxtaposed the snapshot of Steve with the cover of the coloring book!
JayManiac